Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Let Him Lead Already

In learning to Zip It, I have also learned that when my mouth is shut- someone else is able to speak. More specifically, my husband can speak when I'm not. 

When I was in the sixth grade, my parents got a divorce. It seemed to consume the next few years entirely. The bottom of our "family" basket had fallen out, and scattered into a million pieces. I absolutely could not stand the "despair" feeling. I couldn't handle the broken basket. I shut those feelings down so quick it would make your head spin. 

This feeling of controlled emotions continued well into the early years of my marriage, and still lingers to this day. Any time my husband and I got into an argument, I immediately went into emergency shutdown mode. I told myself things to make me have the control from what I considered to be a downward spiral. 
"You're not going to hurt me. I can totally do this on my own. I don't need you. I have this job, and this much money. I can do this with the kids. I can afford to live in this place. I can afford this car."
The list goes on...

And when I felt I had no control, I tried to leave. I was not going to be left without any control. You can't leave me, I'm leaving you! Who did he think he was? Did he even know who I was? He was not going to leave me with my hands in the air, crying, wondering what happened. No sir, not to this gal. 

The problem though, was that he wasn't wanting to leave me high and dry. He wasn't wanting to leave at all. It was just an argument. It was just a misunderstanding. One of the many we had had and would continue to have. 

And so, in our sixth year of marriage we found ourselves broken and in marriage counseling with our pastor. After a few sessions, our dear pastor looked at me and asked why I always defaulted to an escape plan. The thoughts I was thinking, and the plans I was mentally making- were an "escape plan"? I honestly had never thought about why or what started it until we started digging. 

The bottom of the basket had fallen out, and I wasn't ever going to let that happen again. 

In my need to be in control, I was being proactive in destroying the commitment to my marriage. A marriage is a partnership, and I didn't want that. I wanted to be in control. I wanted to make the decisions. I wanted to be in charge of the kids. I was definitely in charge of me. What was so wrong with me being in charge, anyways? 

The problem was that I was actively working against God's will for me and my marriage. I wasn't ever supposed to be in charge. God is, and God says that I am to submit to my husband. 
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24
Submitting does not mean that I am inferior or weak. It does not mean that I play second. Jesus submitted to God's will (Matthew 26:39) and died on the cross and was no less inferior to God. Wives, when we submit to our husband we allow him to take the leadership in the relationship. His position as leader is biblical. 
"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:3
When we submit to our husbands, we are submitting to God. We submit because it it pleasing to the Lord. We have to learn to trust God's goodness and His sovereignty, and only when we do that can we fully submit to our husbands. 

This is not an easy task for a control freak like me! Realistically though, marriage can't work without unity and structure. The structure is a joint-relationship working towards the common goal if getting closer to God. In this relationship, decisions will have to be made. If an agreement can't be made, a leader has to make the call. That leader is our husbands, ladies. Our husbands are responsible to God for those decisions first and foremost, then us. This is a heavy task for our hubbies, and we should encourage and offer our opinions and support. 

Ladies, married or single, let me give you this last bit of advice- take it from someone who has fought to be in charge, and seen the bottom fall out because of it:

  • Submission is not an easy task to take on. It takes humility, and if you are not submissive, you are not humble before man or God. Pray that God works with you on that. Actively seek opportunities to be humble and submissive to God's will. When we humble ourselves to God's will first, it's a lot easier to be submissive to our husbands.
  • Rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you in your words and actions. Look to Jesus' example of submission. If he submitted, who are we to not? 

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 


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