Last week my family and I traveled back home to Texas. The trip there was like every other one. Kids on kindles, movies playing in the background, all of us taking turns picking music, etc. You know how our
Travel Time routine goes. Anyways, I am sitting there going through pictures of our last trip to Pensacola and Kaylie (our oldest) saw a picture of herself swimming with her brothers. She immediately asked that I not post it on FB.
"What?? It is such a cute picture of y'all getting along! It's my picture, I'll post it if I want. Seriously, I have beautiful children, why should the world not see how absolutely precious they are to me?"
These are the thoughts that crossed my "mommy mind" in that split second. You mommas out there know how many boxes that one statement opened in my brain- too many to recognize at one time!
I asked her the most basic question, "Why?"
To my surprise, all three of our children had opinions on social media posts that included them. They did not want every second of their lives on social media. They did not want the cute pictures posted. They did not want the candid, sneak attack photo posted. And they most certainly did not want the embarrassing stuff posted about them.
After my initial shock, I realized something; If I want them to respect me, I should respect them,
even with the silly photo thing.
Children learn by example, even bad examples. If I continue to expose them against their will, I am showing them that their bodies are only subjects. I am showing them that their will and opinions are not valid. I am showing them that they do not own their own body or image. If I expose them, why would they not expect someone else to? They will learn that it doesn't matter what they want. They will learn that the world view is more important to me than their view.
I read this great article about a year ago from Rev. Katie Norris called
Hugs Not Required, and it blew my mind. (Somehow though, I did not correlate hugs and pictures.) In it Katie speaks about how we make our children hug people to say hello or goodbye. We force them to be uncomfortable, for our own selfish reasons; it's out of respect, it's how we show love, etc.
We tell our children from a very young age not to let anyone touch them in a private area. We warn them about "stranger-danger." We sing them the 'No-No Square' song. We teach them that no one should ever make them feel uncomfortable in a physical (sexual) way. We teach them these things, and then turn around and make them hug, even kiss, family members, close friends, etc. We teach them again that their bodies are not their own. We teach them that some forced touching is okay, because "I am in authority over you and I told you to." What happens when someone in authority over our children uses this same logic in a bad way? Have we
really taught our children the correct responses?
A couple of points God has shown me in the last week:
- I want respect and privacy, so do my kids!
- I do not hug people out of obligation, my kids don't have to either.
- I can and will ask these requests to be respected by the people in our lives.
I know this is a bit tough to swallow, it certainly was a recognition for me. I also know though, that my kids come second only to my God and husband. I will not force them to feel uncomfortable, with pictures or physical touch, to make someone else happy or feel loved and respected.
I'd love to hear your feedback on this :)
He loves us so. Be blessed my loves.
As you know this is a holiday weekend. We will celebrate the resurrection of our Lord this Easter Sunday. While I am eternally thankful that Jesus died for my sins and because of this I get to spend eternity with Him, I am also selfish in my human flesh. This is the first year my family will not all get together to celebrate Easter. If you know me personally, you know I love to go big for holiday celebrations. The fancier the food, the funner the games, the more decorations; the better! I just love having everyone in my home, enjoying great food and wonderful fellowship.
