Hurt/Hope

From Colonial Church

I just want to take a minute and pour my heart out to y'all. The last couple of weeks at our church we have been praying for our congregation's anonymous HURTS. We are praying over these and praying for HOPE.

The first card I got was from a woman who said, "I feel like I am not good enough. Not a good enough wife, not a good enough mom, not a good enough christian, and not a good enough person."

The second card simply said, "Will I ever be good enough? Will I ever be able to carry a child again?"

Ladies, I want to express my deep heartache for us women who think that we are not enough. At some point all of us will feel like failures. At some point all of us will just break down and cry. Yes, even me, who thinks crying is weak! Y'all know I love to say Abby's famous line, "Save your tears for your pillow!" But honestly, when I read those cards, I was just an emotional wreck. Front row of the congregation, less than 5 feet from the worship team, and I am sobbing and snotting all over these cards.

My heart breaks as I read and see that I am not the only one who feels this. I know you've heard, "this too shall pass," but I want to let you know right now that only God can fill that void we are feeling. Only God and complete us and make us feel whole. He said we are worthy, and honey YOU ARE!

My prayer is for all of us. My prayer is that we will pray for eachother, even without knowing what is going on in each other's lives. My prayer is that you will know that we serve an amazing king, and a dedicated father who is willing to pick us up and tell us we are beautiful, worthy daughters.

I also want you to see that God's timing is always perfect. He knew exactly what I was feeling that morning. He knew that I needed to know that I am not alone in these feelings and that only through Him can we be healed and turn our HURTS into HOPES.

I love you ladies and hope that you will join me in praying for our sisters in Christ globally. We need each other and we need each other's prayers.

If you have a hurt, please know that you can message me and I will pray for that along with praying for each of you beautiful ladies!

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 

Crawfish, Crayfish, Crawdaddies- Give 'Em To Me!

It's that time again folks- #FoodDayFriday is here and I am super excited to tell y'all about our Crawfish Boils!

Spring is always over-packed super busy for us. There are tons of birthdays, events, and travel. We also wrap up school and get ready for summer vacation. Last year my honey wanted a crawfish boil for his birthday-- in the middle of all of our craziness! So what did we do? Move stuff around of course, and started making plans for a crawfish boil! We had never done it before and actually had never been to one either, but with the help of our dear friends we had great food and a great time!

If you've never had a crawfish boil, I highly recommend having someone in your party who has. It can get a bit overwhelming, but in the end it is fabulous and so much fun! If you add other stuff into your crawfish boils, I'd love to hear how and what you do!

Where to begin?  (for 10-12 people)
Necessities:

• 20 gallon crawfish pot or turkey fryer pot with basket 
• propane stand and full tank
• lifting hook to set and remove basket from pot
• 5-7 gallons of water
• Table covered with newspaper (we used a big roll of white butcher paper from Lowe's)

Ingredients: 

• 5lbs small red potatoes
• 12 ears of corn, halved
• 1 sack of cleaned crawfish, 15-20 lbs
• 1 (4.5 lb) bag of Crawfish, Crab, and Shrimp Boil seasoning

Optional Add-Ins:

• andouille sausage, sliced into 1/4in pieces
• 5 large lemons, halved
• 5 large sweet onions, peeled and quartered
• shrimp in the shell
• bell peppers
• garlic, unpeeled and separated
• 2 sticks of unsalted butter

Options For The Kids:

(if they don't want crawfish)

• corndogs, baked and cut into quarters
• frozen hamburger sliders, cooked and halfed
• french fries
• cheese puffs
• anything else you want to throw on their table that they will love :)

What To Do!

1. Rinse your crawfish in a colander until the water runs clear to remove any debris or dirt.
2. Add water and seasoning to pot and begin to heat to boiling.
3. Once the water is boiling, add the potatoes and corn (and sausage if you chose to add it) to the basket.
4. Using the hook, lower the basket into the boiling water.
5. Stir and boil for 10-20 minutes, or until potatoes are soft, stirring occasionally.
6. Carefully, using the hook, bring the basket up, and add the crawfish and any of the other optional add-ins you chose.
7. Boil for additional 5-7 minutes.
8. Turn off the heat and allow to sit for 10-15 minutes. 
9. Dump pot onto paper covered table and enjoy!

*Depending on how many people you have and how many add-ins you choose, you might want to have another burner and pot, or work in batches. 

Let Him Lead Already

In learning to Zip It, I have also learned that when my mouth is shut- someone else is able to speak. More specifically, my husband can speak when I'm not. 

When I was in the sixth grade, my parents got a divorce. It seemed to consume the next few years entirely. The bottom of our "family" basket had fallen out, and scattered into a million pieces. I absolutely could not stand the "despair" feeling. I couldn't handle the broken basket. I shut those feelings down so quick it would make your head spin. 

This feeling of controlled emotions continued well into the early years of my marriage, and still lingers to this day. Any time my husband and I got into an argument, I immediately went into emergency shutdown mode. I told myself things to make me have the control from what I considered to be a downward spiral. 

"You're not going to hurt me. I can totally do this on my own. I don't need you. I have this job, and this much money. I can do this with the kids. I can afford to live in this place. I can afford this car."

The list goes on...

And when I felt I had no control, I tried to leave. I was not going to be left without any control. You can't leave me, I'm leaving you! Who did he think he was? Did he even know who I was? He was not going to leave me with my hands in the air, crying, wondering what happened. No sir, not to this gal. 

The problem though, was that he wasn't wanting to leave me high and dry. He wasn't wanting to leave at all. It was just an argument. It was just a misunderstanding. One of the many we had had and would continue to have. 

And so, in our sixth year of marriage we found ourselves broken and in marriage counseling with our pastor. After a few sessions, our dear pastor looked at me and asked why I always defaulted to an escape plan. The thoughts I was thinking, and the plans I was mentally making- were an "escape plan"? I honestly had never thought about why or what started it until we started digging. 

The bottom of the basket had fallen out, and I wasn't ever going to let that happen again. 

In my need to be in control, I was being proactive in destroying the commitment to my marriage. A marriage is a partnership, and I didn't want that. I wanted to be in control. I wanted to make the decisions. I wanted to be in charge of the kids. I was definitely in charge of me. What was so wrong with me being in charge, anyways? 

The problem was that I was actively working against God's will for me and my marriage. I wasn't ever supposed to be in charge. God is, and God says that I am to submit to my husband. 

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24

Submitting does not mean that I am inferior or weak. It does not mean that I play second. Jesus submitted to God's will (Matthew 26:39) and died on the cross and was no less inferior to God. Wives, when we submit to our husband we allow him to take the leadership in the relationship. His position as leader is biblical. 

"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:3

When we submit to our husbands, we are submitting to God. We submit because it it pleasing to the Lord. We have to learn to trust God's goodness and His sovereignty, and only when we do that can we fully submit to our husbands. 

This is not an easy task for a control freak like me! Realistically though, marriage can't work without unity and structure. The structure is a joint-relationship working towards the common goal if getting closer to God. In this relationship, decisions will have to be made. If an agreement can't be made, a leader has to make the call. That leader is our husbands, ladies. Our husbands are responsible to God for those decisions first and foremost, then us. This is a heavy task for our hubbies, and we should encourage and offer our opinions and support. 

Ladies, married or single, let me give you this last bit of advice- take it from someone who has fought to be in charge, and seen the bottom fall out because of it:

• Submission is not an easy task to take on. It takes humility, and if you are not submissive, you are not humble before man or God. Pray that God works with you on that. Actively seek opportunities to be humble and submissive to God's will. When we humble ourselves to God's will first, it's a lot easier to be submissive to our husbands.
• Rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you in your words and actions. Look to Jesus' example of submission. If he submitted, who are we to not? 

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 

Zip It- Zip It Good!

I know, I know... "where have you been?" Well, there has just been so much going on lately, that I had to force myself to just zip my mouth and keep quiet for a while. I had to have time to process and pray so that I didn't just spout out nastiness for all of the world to see. 

I would like to clarify a few things though; there have been a couple of questions/issues that do need answering. 

1. My post, No Pictures, Please was posted because my children made a request, and I had a choice to ignore or listen to them. There is no way, that I know of, to remove all of the pictures I have ever taken from the internet world. My children have seen the pictures that have been previously posted. Their request was for future posts, and I have worked diligently to respect their requests. And request, on their behalf, that family and friends do so as well. It's just common courtesy. 

2. I am definitely pro-freedom of speech! Obviously, I have a public blog. I love and welcome your comments and encouragement and opinions. However, I will not allow comments that incite drama in any way. Please do not use my blog to "make a point" towards someone else. We are to show love as Christ loved, and I hope by letting you into my little world, I am showing you love in my way.

Okay, enough with the administrator in me... :) 

Last Sunday evening, mine and Bill's bible study was called "The Source of Love." We were reading through Song of Songs 2:1-13. As I said, there were a few situations that have been brought to my attention in the last couple of weeks, and a couple of the take away questions really caught me with my mouth open, yet speechless for a bit.

The last question was this: 

In what ways can you show love to those who seem unlovable?

Think about it, God loves us in two ways; sacrificially and unconditionally. 

Sacrificially- It cost Him something. It cost Him the Son. It cost Christ His very life. It costs an unimaginable price, one we could never repay. One He doesn't require us to repay. A price He paid freely, so that we might be saved. What is it costing us to love others? Pride? Time? Forgiveness? 

Unconditionally- the very definition gives me chills; not limited in any way, complete and absolute. There are no conditions for God's love. He loved us and knew us before we were even conceived (Jeremiah 1:5). He died on the cross for them, for you, for me, for our kids, for our future grandkids-everyone! Not just some people, not just the good ones, not just the ones who do good things-everyone. He died and took on the sins of the world for all of us, in hopes that we would only love and accept Him. He died, knowing we would need His help, that we would need Him to save us. People said and did horrific things, and still do to this day; and guess what- He still loved them and loves us. How can we then put conditions on the folks we love? If you do this, then I'll love you. If you behave this way- I can't love you. If you believe this- you're unlovable. If you're not like me- just forget it. Unconditional- no conditions, complete and absolute.

Photo from Shutterstock

My answer to that devotional question was simply this- ZIP IT! 

And whadaya know; God reinforced that the next morning in my personal study time. He has a great way of driving stuff home with us. This is what I posted to FB Monday (the next day) morning:

My verse for the week: Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14.  Yikes! I will admit, this is a tough one y'all. Sometimes I have a downright nasty mouth. I say things off the cuff, and blurt out stuff that could never be taken back. I am judgemental with my thoughts, and words, sometimes. But you know what, God calls us out on things we know we shouldn't be doing or saying, or even thinking. We get the gift of that still, small voice that says, "My beloved, why are you doing that? Is that loving? Is that kind?" And we get the chance to say, "You know what God, you're right. I apologize for not showing love. Help me show love better." And He will! We all struggle and all fall short, but He can and will redeem us!

My point is this; there will always be a group or type of people that we feel are unlovable, people that we are not partial to, maybe even people we have previously "written off", we should still love them with the 'affection of Christ Jesus' as Paul says in Philippians 1:8. And if you think you can't love someone because of your mouth, stop and pray about it. God will show us where we need work, and He will give us the direction in which we need to go.

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves.

No Family, But I Got Burgers!

As you know this is a holiday weekend. We will celebrate the resurrection of our Lord this Easter Sunday. While I am eternally thankful that Jesus died for my sins and because of this I get to spend eternity with Him, I am also selfish in my human flesh. This is the first year my family will not all get together to celebrate Easter. If you know me personally, you know I love to go big for holiday celebrations. The fancier the food, the funner the games, the more decorations; the better! I just love having everyone in my home, enjoying great food and wonderful fellowship.

That being said, we might not have a big huge fancy family dinner, but I will be extremely content with my amazing Strickland guys and burgers!

Oh My Goodness! If y'all have not seen these, let me be the first to tell you about these amazing Muffin Tin Burgers on this #FoodDayFriday. Find the original recipe over at Betty Crocker.com! So super easy, and they look so delicious. I just know my guys, and yours, will love this one.

I love that these are so versatile. You can totally glam these up with fancier toppings. Since I'm not hosting a big event, that's just what I'm going to do!

Let me introduce you to my fancy-shmancy Smoked Gouda and Bacon muffin tin burgers...

I am going to make these this Sunday and I will update with uber pretty pictures. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend, and remember the real reason we celebrate. He is alive y'all!

*UPDATE: 3-27-16
Holy moley y'all! We had these today, as promised, and they were absolutely amazing! They were enjoyed by all. I also sautéed fresh sliced mushrooms and added them to mine and Bill's burgers - superb!


He loves us so. Be blessed my loves.

No Pictures, Please!

Last week my family and I traveled back home to Texas. The trip there was like every other one. Kids on kindles, movies playing in the background, all of us taking turns picking music, etc. You know how our Travel Time routine goes. Anyways, I am sitting there going through pictures of our last trip to Pensacola and Kaylie (our oldest) saw a picture of herself swimming with her brothers. She immediately asked that I not post it on FB.

"What?? It is such a cute picture of y'all getting along! It's my picture, I'll post it if I want. Seriously, I have beautiful children, why should the world not see how absolutely precious they are to me?"

These are the thoughts that crossed my "mommy mind" in that split second. You mommas out there know how many boxes that one statement opened in my brain- too many to recognize at one time!

I asked her the most basic question, "Why?"

To my surprise, all three of our children had opinions on social media posts that included them. They did not want every second of their lives on social media. They did not want the cute pictures posted. They did not want the candid, sneak attack photo posted. And they most certainly did not want the embarrassing stuff posted about them.

After my initial shock, I realized something; If I want them to respect me, I should respect them, even with the silly photo thing.

Children learn by example, even bad examples. If I continue to expose them against their will, I am showing them that their bodies are only subjects. I am showing them that their will and opinions are not valid. I am showing them that they do not own their own body or image. If I expose them, why would they not expect someone else to? They will learn that it doesn't matter what they want. They will learn that the world view is more important to me than their view.

I read this great article about a year ago from Rev. Katie Norris called Hugs Not Required, and it blew my mind. (Somehow though, I did not correlate hugs and pictures.) In it Katie speaks about how we make our children hug people to say hello or goodbye. We force them to be uncomfortable, for our own selfish reasons; it's out of respect, it's how we show love, etc.

We tell our children from a very young age not to let anyone touch them in a private area. We warn them about "stranger-danger." We sing them the 'No-No Square' song. We teach them that no one should ever make them feel uncomfortable in a physical (sexual) way. We teach them these things, and then turn around and make them hug, even kiss, family members, close friends, etc. We teach them again that their bodies are not their own. We teach them that some forced touching is okay, because "I am in authority over you and I told you to." What happens when someone in authority over our children uses this same logic in a bad way? Have we really taught our children the correct responses?

A couple of points God has shown me in the last week:

1. I want respect and privacy, so do my kids!
2. I do not hug people out of obligation, my kids don't have to either. 
3. I can and will ask these requests to be respected by the people in our lives.

I know this is a bit tough to swallow, it certainly was a recognition for me. I also know though, that my kids come second only to my God and husband. I will not force them to feel uncomfortable, with pictures or physical touch, to make someone else happy or feel loved and respected. 

I'd love to hear your feedback on this :)

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 

Spring Fling

Today is what I am going to start calling Pinspiration Monday! I will take something I find on Pinterest and make it, showing you my supplies and how to! Sounds fun, right?!

So, today for our first #PinspirationMonday I will show you my spring wreath. I happen to think it's pretty darn cute and hope you will as well :)

from Hella Wella

Here is the original pin. This pin came with neither instructions, nor a supply list. It was just "ways to use your initials" and there was an expired Etsy listing attached to it.

I chose to go with a light purple/blue spring color arrangement and a smaller initial letter. Also, I am not a big fan of ribbon, so I excluded that. I went to Hobby Lobby and got a mix of the different flowers I thought I would use. I did go a bit overboard on the flowers, but now I have more for another project! 

Supplies:

- twig wreath (I chose the 24" wreath)

- fake flowers in the colors you would like to use ( I recommend getting several shades of colors)

- wooden initial 

- green metal garden wire, cut in 4-6" pieces

- craft paint in the color you would like your initial letter to be

- ribbon if you choose

- glue gun and stick, if wanted

Directions:

Paint your letter the color you would like, and let it dry completely. Start arranging your flowers, sticking the stems into the twigs. I decided to do my flowers on the left side and my initial on the right side. I chose to put the larger flowers in the center of the left side and then worked my way out to the top and bottom centers. Once you have the flowers how you like use the strips of garden wire and wrap around the stems and twigs to secure. If you are going to use a ribbon bow, I would suggest tying your bow and then running a piece of the wire through the back of the knot and attaching to the twigs. Once your initial letter is completely dry, place it on your wreath in the position you would like.  Attach your initial either with hot glue, garden wire, or by using the twigs. I chose twigs and hot glue. I liked the way the twigs looked on top of the initial, and I wanted the security of the hot glue. 

And... here it is! 

Hope you have enjoyed this beautiful spring weather so far. If you decide to make this wreath, please leave a photo comment below, I'd love to see your creations!

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 

Diary of a Broken Momma

Oh my loves, it feels like it has been forever since my last heart to heart. I guess in the "blogging world" a week is actually a really long time. Can I just pour my heart out to y'all tonight? There has been so much stuff going on, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Brother Derek, our Pastor, just spoke about telling our stories in hopes of helping others through the same struggles. Sharing is Caring, right? I hope by doing so, I am showing that I genuinely care about you and maybe someone out there can say, "gah, I relate sister!" I don't know any other way than just to start at the beginning.

12-3-15: The Pact
After my youngest was born, we thought we were completely done having children biologically. (We have always talked about fostering and adopting in our 30's.) Three kiddos at 21 and 23 years old, yeah, we were all but running through the doors for my tubal. And so on December 29, 2008 I, in my 23 year old confident self, had a tubal ligation. This decision has all but completely shattered me for the last four years. A very select group of my closest people, and of course my hubs, have known that for the last four years I have desperately wanted another baby, specifically another girl. The idea has been prayed over, researched, and analyzed entirely. I have looked at surrogates. I have researched IVF. I have talked with Bill about what could happen in an ectopic pregnancy. Seriously, every angle has been covered. About a year and a half ago, I finally decided to let it go, and let God do what He does. And of course, He did via my addiction- FB articles. Someone had posted Why I Can't Hold Your Baby, I read it, I cried, and totally agreed with her. Alice wrote from her and my heart-

"...as my body gets older and my biological clock ticks rapidly down to zero, when Mother Nature will forever slam that door shut for me, I don’t want it to be over. The thought of never having another baby placed in my arms, squalling and wet and new, of never looking into the blank page of possibilities that every newborn holds, of never meeting for the first time the tiny person that I’ve known forever…  It’s more than I can bear.

I will never again hear the first time a little one says “Mama” and know that they are calling ME. I will never again have a child softly pat my cheek as they nurse at my breast. I will never again have chubby arms reach for me as they take their first steps.

And I want it. I want it so very badly...  

So you see, I can’t hold your baby. I can’t smell her fresh newborn smell or feel the way her body molds to my body or watch her little fingers furl and unfurl as they reach toward me. I can’t feel her solid, grounding weight in my arms because it just might be too much. Her 7 pounds 10 ounces might just be enough to tip the precarious balance of my emotional scales. My weak and creaky knees might just crumble under her weight. 

So you hold her. And hold this moment that passes so quickly, because I just can’t."

For the last year and a half, I have refused to hold newborn babies. It stirs up those feelings of not being content and a severe heart-yearning. I won't say heartbreak, but a definite yearning. I have to admit, I think I have been pretty strong on this point, only breaking my rule I think once. 

2-19-16: The Glimmer
Going on 5 days of missed menstruation. I know that is blunt, but my cycle is pretty much clockwork y'all. 

You can imagine my surprise and hope and joy when I realized I was 5 days late. I immediately started seeing "signs and symptoms" of pregnancy. "Babe, do my boobs look bigger?" "Gah, I feel so nauseous." "My stomach feels like it has this little hard knot." 

2-24-16: The Possibility
10 days late, and my mind is running rampant with the possibility of a baby. Only my hubs and sister know this precious information. 

At this point, I have convinced myself, and worried my poor husband that this is a legit possibility. I sent my sister my baby names; I have to have proof that I picked them first and win the battle of the names! My mind was going crazy thinking about nursery colors, monogrammed blankies, and the best new baby gadgets. 

2-25-16: The Reality
Aunt Flow makes her appearance. I am alone and devastated.

Bill had left early the afternoon before to travel to Pensacola. The day went on fine, and then night came and the storms hit. The weather at home, and in Pensacola, was treacherous. Because of the storms, I couldn't reach Bill on the phone. I texted, I called; it was not going through. The older kiddos were already in bed, and I was alone. Outside it was ugly and in my heart was a raging storm to match. I cried red hot tears of anger. I yelled at God. "Why, why on earth would you let me get so wrapped up in this just to be so crushed?" I was so mad, I didn't even want to talk to God. I didn't want to hear His excuse as to why I couldn't just have this one thing. I turned on the weather channel. 

I was so out of it, I had missed the notice on my phone. Tornado in Pensacola.

Frantic and with a new purpose, I tried call Bill again. Finally, an answer. He was completely fine, totally oblivious to the fact that there even was a tornado. He had ended up staying about 15 minutes away, actually on Pensacola Beach -lucky dog. I yelled at him. "Why are you not answering? Don't you know there was a tornado? Where are you? Well, I hope you're having a grand 'ol time, cause I sure as heck am not." I lost it. I was crying and hung up. 

Thankfully, my husband knows me all too well. He waited what seemed to be forever, although it was only 10 minutes, and called me back. He comforted me. He consoled me. He prayed over me. 

"God I want to follow your will and I will do what you require of me. Please let me and my family thrive together. I am ready for your challenges ahead, whatever you choose..."

I heard the words, and cried some more. "Whatever you choose." 


2-28 through 3-4-16: The... 
I don't know what else to call this week.

As I said, our Pastor spoke on using our circumstances to encourage others, and God drove that home with me. I knew I wanted to share this hurt, but I didn't know exactly what to say. I didn't know how it would be received. I jotted down some notes. I put it away. I'd pray about it, and then nothing would come. So I waited.

3-5-16 to currently: The Anesthesia State
I had my wisdom teeth removed last Friday. Folks usually get one of three effects from sedation; loopiness, sadness, or tiredness. 

I was the crying one with a two hour trip home ahead of me. My phone was going crazy with texts after I got out. I checked them. Some were from folks checking on me- thank you guys, and some were from a close friend asking for prayer. My friend asked that I pray for a friend of hers. The friend had been trying to get pregnant only for it to end in miscarriage. I lost it. The drugs coupled with my own pain and the hurt I felt for someone I didn't even personally know, just brought everything crashing down. My poor honey, he said I was inconsolable. He had to get out of the car and call my friend and ask her to quit texting me. She didn't even know I was having surgery. I couldn't even respond to her because I was crying so hard. When I finally calmed down, I fell asleep. Most of this week has been in and out of a pain-daze. It wasn't until Wednesday that I finally started to feel better. 

I started feeling better, and God whispered to me, "You need to write. You need to let others know that they are not the only ones. Let me help heal you with your writing. Get it out."

So here I am, writing to you. Praying earnestly, knowing that God has got me, that you will let Him hold you also. To know that He has you. That through this, He will still carry you and me. 

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

    he delivers them from all their troubles.

 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,

    but the Lord delivers him from them all" - Psalm 34:17-19

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves.

The Chore Monster

I have had several requests for the Chore Chart that our family uses. Let me just say, my kids have not always done chores. We only recently began doing 'assigned' chores and getting allowances. 

In the beginning, my kids were in public school and I wanted to spend every minute with them when they got home. I would make sure everything was clean, all (let's get real- it's never ALL done, but most) of the laundry was done, dinner was cooking, etc. We would get homework done, and just enjoy being together. Plus we had sports, and church, and a million other things to do!

The hubs and I disagreed on the children not having chores. He wanted them to take responsibility in the household, and I wanted them to just have enough respect for me when I asked them to do something, they did it. I wanted my family to have no 'worries' of household duties. 

This situation has been tossed around back and forth for at least the last 5-6 years!

Then last year, the kids started asking for an allowance. 

We have always bought what the kids need, and let's be honest, my kiddos are pretty spoiled with wants also. My Papa always says, "Why say no, when you could say yes!" And for the most part, we basically agreed. I have no problem buying my kids a candy bar for being well behaved in the store, or grabbing a $0.50 coke just because. I can't tell you how many times we go to Sonic for happy hour drinks and slushes. $3.50 for a Rt. 44 DP, three small slushes with candy in them, and happy momma and kids? Yes, please! 

But, they wanted their own money. They wanted to spend their own money. They wanted to save their own money. And so, the search for the best option was underway.

If you know me, you know I will research the heck out of something that I don't have an answer for. And so it was with the dreaded chores and allowances. 

"What chores should I give them? You know you're a control freak, Kristyn, they won't do it right and then you'll have to go back and do it anyways. How much do these little turkeys need? How much do they want? What are the benefits of chores and allowances?"

Budget Binder Printables from
30 Handmade Days

All legit concerns and thoughts I had.  I had already printed out these wonderful monthly ledgers and savings sheets for the kids from 30 Handmade Days! That part was easy. The next part... eh, not so much.

We had to decide what chores the kids would do, and how much allowance they would get.

First, I asked the kids what they would like to do to help out around the house. It was amazing to see that they did actually want to help. They were excited even. Kaylie chose to do laundry. Warren wanted to dust, and Hunter wanted to sweep. See, Kristyn, this won't be so bad...

I read a few different blog posts, and spoke with other parents about kids, chores, and allowances. What I came up with was this:

• We, of course, will still provide all necessities and some treats. However, little nick knacks from the dollar store, and candy at the grocery store, etc. are now their choice to buy with their money. 
• Large wanted items, such as an Ipad (Kaylie) require 50/50. If they save/raise half of the wanted item, we will cover the other half. This has been the greatest thing to watch them grow and learn to manage. So far the kids have had lemonade stands, garage sales, and most recently Kay auctioned off a painting!
• I do not require them to save any of their money at this time. I do encourage it, and remind them often of trips or activities coming up that they might want extra money for. 
• The kiddos will get paid every Sunday morning for the previous week's work. We have spoken with our kids about tithing and the importance of giving back to God what he asks of us. If we take the tithe right off of the top, and give it to God right away it is a lot easier to hand it over. Also, they don't have to keep up with the tithe money over the week(end). 
• The children are paid half of their age. So, currently Kay (10) gets $5.00, Warren (9) gets $4.50, and Hunter (7) gets $3.50. 
• They each have five daily chores.
• They each have responsibilities that are required as well. These are not 'chores', they are for personal and health growth. 
• If they do not get all of their chores done in the day, they lose $0.50. 

The kids' basic responsibilities include brushing teeth, cleaning their rooms, and putting their dirty laundry in their hamper before breakfasts. They also shower and put their clean clothes away after I fold them in the evening. 

Their chores are divided into morning and evening chores as well. Here are the chores we have for now. With age comes more responsibility. 

Kaylie:

Morning-

• Gather towels and clothes, and start a load clothes from the kids' bathroom
• Clean counter and toilet tops in all bathrooms

Evening-

• Vacuum family and sun room
• Help with dinner one night a week
• Load dishwasher after dinner  

Warren:

Morning-

• Unload dishwasher after breakfast
• Clean sun room and straighten school items

Evening-

• Clean family room
• Help with dinner one night a week
• Dust family and sitting rooms 

 Hunter:

Morning-

• Fold and put away the clean kids' towels
• Wipe down table after breakfast

Evening-

• Set table for dinner
• Wipe down table and sweep dining room floor after dinner
• Gather shoes from the back door bucket and put away

There you have it, besides this list, if I ask my kiddos to do something I expect them to do it and do it with a good attitude. We are a family; we live together, work together, and help each other. Yes, we have melt downs, we have bad attitudes, mommy gets cranky sometimes, and ya know what- that's okay. We remember that we get to start all over tomorrow and we can choose to make better decisions and have better attitudes.

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 

Week 2 Menu Plan

Did you make it through Week 1 Menu? 

If so, or if you're looking for more great recipes, you're in luck! 

It's #FoodDayFriday here at Biscuits, No Butter and

here is our next week of Meal Plans!

Monday:

• Breakfast: Assorted Instant Oatmeal. All of my kids like the different kinds so we usually buy a mix of flavors.
• Lunch: Cup O Ramen. Somedays ya just have to take it easy, plus it's a kid favorite!
• Dinner: One Pot Jambalaya. Throw everything in one pot & it's done in about 30 minutes.

Tuesday:

• Breakfast: Kaylie's Omelets. This kid of mine loves to make these super simple 2 egg and shredded cheese omelets. (I usually add sliced mushrooms & chopped mushrooms to mine)
• Lunch: Grilled Chicken Bites & Mac&Cheese. I just chop up some tenderloins, throw them in a med high skillet with 1/2tsp of olive oil, and cook. Then make a box of mac&cheese. 
• Dinner: Grilled Pork Chops. We buy the thick cut chops because the hubs likes them more. I toss them in a gallon sized ziplock with 1/4c olive oil, 2 tbsp worcestershire sauce, 2 tbsp soy sauce, 2 tbsp season salt, and 1 tbsp garlic salt. Cook thoroughly on a med. heat grill or in a 350 degree oven for 50 minutes. Pick your favorite side, maybe some grilled asparagus!

Wednesday: 

• Breakfast: Choice of Cereal and fruit.
• Lunch: Tuna Salad on Flaky Croissants. I love the fresh packaged croissants from the bakery!
• Dinner: Broccoli Cheese Soup in Bread Bowls. My husband has a super secret recipe from his uncle that we use, but I have tried this Panera Bread copy cat recipe from Budget Savvy Diva, and it is superb!

Thursday: 

• Breakfast: Monkey Bread. Time to pull out my grandmother's bundt pan and make some ooey-goodness! This recipe from Leaving the Rut is pretty close to mine :)
• Lunch: Mini Personalized Pizzas. My kids participate in the Pizza Hut Book It program, and they have earned enough minutes this month to get their pizzas earlier than normal! You can make your own though with some plain bagels, tomato sauce, shredded mozzarella, and your choice of toppings. 
• Dinner: Teriyaki Chicken Noodle Bowl. I have seriously been craving asian food lately. I have never tried this recipe from Damn Delicious before, but I am this week! Let me know if you are too! It certainly looks delicious!

Friday: 

Friday is usually my grocery shopping day, so recipes are usually easy-peasy!

• Breakfast: Pancakes. Nothing wrong with store bought mix. If you have a yummy homemade recipe, I'd love to try it!
• Lunch: PB&J with a side of Apple Slices.
• Dinner: Smoked Sausage and Brat Dogs on the Grill. Thankfully, we have some yummy Jalapeno & Cheddar Deer Sausage, and the kids love (mostly) anything from the grill! *Insider tip for Brats- Boil them first to cook, then toss on the grill. 

Saturday:

• Breakfast: F.F.Y. When your week is just so crazy, and you just want to snuggle with the hubs Fend For Yourself is to the rescue. My sister-in-law had this ingenious idea for a Breakfast Bowl, and I may have high jacked it for myself! We stock a big punch bowl with the kids favorite Pop-Tarts, Granola Bars, Instant Oatmeal Packets, and fruit. They can have how much of whatever they choose, and they are usually great at getting a balanced mix. They also love that they get to choose!
• Lunch: Homemade Lunchables. A long time ago we quit buying Lunchables and started making our own. Different kinds of crackers, turkey, ham, colby jack cheese sticks, fruit, and a sweet treat. Much cheaper, healthier, and funner.
• Dinner: Garlic Shrimp Alfredo. One of the hubs' favorite meals. Super quick and easy, and twice as delicious! If you don't have a go-to recipe already, I suggest this one from Julia's Album.

Sunday:

• Breakfast: Muffins. As mentioned in the Week 1 Menu, the kids get to choose their own flavors and make them during the week specifically for busy Sunday mornings!
• Lunch: Hot Ham & Swiss Croissants. I don't know if you remember your elementary cafeteria, but if you do you might remember Hot Ham and Cheese on a bun. Seriously y'all, I still love these! Jazz them up a bit by putting them on a croissant with some honey dijon mustard. Wrap them in foil and pop in a 350 oven for 10-15 minutes. Mmmmm. Perfecto!
• Dinner: Loaded Chicken & Potatoes Bake. This one dish recipe from Stockpiling Moms is uber good! 

Well folks, that's all for this week! Check back here next Friday for more #FoodDayFriday recipes and menus!

Don't forget to check out my different Pinterest boards for more ideas on Meals, Crock Pot Meals, and Sides!

The "D" Word

Over the years I have seen so many of our close friends and family go through divorces. Why? The reasons are limitless...

"He/She is just not who I thought they were." Infidelity. Mental, physical, emotional abuse. "I love him/her, but I'm just not in love with him/her." 

My own marriage was "rocky" at one point. I threw out the "D" word on more than one occasion.

Thankfully, God gave me a super strong husband. We worked tirelessly through the junk and were able to salvage the pieces to re-make a whole. We agreed to never use the "D'' word again. 

Now, please feel my heart; I in no way am trying to make anyone feel less if you have been through or are going through a divorce. I know that our rough times seemed like there was no light, and maybe that is where you are at right now. This post is for those who might be thinking about marriage, or might be thinking about a divorce.  This post is about the romanticism that Hollywood and the world put on relationships. Relationships are hard. Marriage is hard. I can only imagine that divorce is equally hard. It's raw, it's emotional, it takes a physical toll on everything. 

When it all began, over 15 years ago :)

Crosswalk.com writer Debbie McDaniel has put together this list.

10 Lies the World May Tell You About Your Marriage:

1. “If you’re not compatible, you may have married the wrong person.”
God’s truth says that marriage is a covenant relationship. Once you choose to marry, it’s no longer up for debate as to whether your spouse is the “right one.” Marriage makes them the right one, for it’s a commitment before God. It’s never to be based on shifting feelings, but a choice every day to love the spouse you’ve chosen to marry. In a world that often prefers to “trade in for an updated version,” this truth doesn’t make sense. But according to God’s Word it’s very clear.
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."  Mark 10:9

2. “The grass is greener on the other side.”
The truth is, the grass is greener where it’s being cared for. Where it’s being watered. The lie of our culture will whisper that everyone else has it better, or we missed out somehow. It will draw us to compare and compete, but that is never God’s way. He desires that we cherish and love our spouse, just as Christ cares for and loves the church. If we spend more time focusing on what we have, instead of what we think we don’t have, we’d be much more grateful for the treasure of His gifts.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Eph. 5:25, 33

3. “If you’re not happy, don’t stay in an unhappy situation. You deserve more.”
For many of us, marriage can tend to bring our selfishness out like nothing else. We want our way. We insist on our rights. We want our spouse to make us happy, and right now! In the midst of demands, we’ll never be free to truly love and serve one another. Our focus will tend to be one-sided – our side – and what we want. Yet God’s goal for marriage was not just to “make us happy.” The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us.  And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Cor. 13:4-5

4. “Your spouse should know how to meet all your needs.”
Often we marry someone who is completely different than us. It’s true, many times, opposites do attract. But that doesn’t have to doom us to failure. Marriage is a life-long process of growing together. We don’t always get it right. We might even fail miserably. But just as we need grace and forgiveness, we need to extend it. Our spouses cannot read our minds; they may not receive and give love in the same way we do. But neither are we to expect that all of our needs be fulfilled by this one person. No one can take the place that only God holds. He’s the only One who can satisfy our deepest needs for love. 
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Ps. 73:26

5. “Divorce is always an easy option.”
If we enter into marriage where divorce is an “option,” we’re already in trouble. Because times will inevitably get difficult, and someone will start looking for a fast way out. The truth is, sadly, divorce happens. But even when it does occur, it’s never an “easy option.” It strikes a heavy blow to all involved. God’s truth reminds us that it doesn’t have the final say over our lives. He is our Healer; He gives hope and purpose for the future. No matter the struggles we might be facing, we can make the renewed choice today, that as far as it depends on us, we will not give room to that option.
“For I know the plans I have for you…plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11

Reasons 6-10 listed over on Crosswalk.com! 

I know that satan is wanting you to fail. He wants nothing more than for your relationships, your friendships, and your marriages to implode in your face utterly crushing you. The good news is that God designed us to have relationships. To be in fellowship with one another. To be married. Genesis 2 tells us that it was not good for man to be alone. 

18Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”...21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

God created us to be partners. For a man and woman to become one in marriage. God created marriage for our relationship to mirror the relationship between Him and us. There is no more perfect union. 

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves. 

So You Think You Can Menu Plan

Menu Planner from Happily Hope

I have not always been a stay at home mom. I loved my full-time job, but when both of us worked life was just way too busy. The laundry piled up (more so than now ;) ). I was getting off of work later than Bill. I felt like I never got to see my husband and kids. As a result of our crazy schedules lots of little things were just falling short, and dinner was... well, let's just say it was less than good. Time for a change. When I cut back to a part time job, I decided to give menu planning a go.

Starting out totally sucked! 

I was wayyy overwhelmed. My sister and I looked online, checked out books from the library, and asked other mommies who used a menu plan. If you know me, you know I will research the crap out of something until I get the answer I want. This was no exception.  

That being said, my hope with this post is that if you are looking to get into menu planning this will be your one stop shop! I have found some amazing resources over the years, and I hope that they help alleviate some of the stress associated with menu planning. Menu planning is a process. It takes some time, especially getting started. Once you have your general information gathered, the process gets quicker each time!

So, here is where I would suggest starting:

1. Lists. 

Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Start listing meals that you and your family eat. List meals that you would like to try also! Here are some suggestions:

Family Input. I asked the hubs and kids to each pick three of their favorites. Crockpot Meals. I picked about twenty crockpot meals, soups, etc. Favorite Staple Meals. Add to the list whatever you can make without having to look at a recipe. Tacos, spaghetti, breakfast-for-dinner, etc.

2. Printables 
These resources are my menu planning life!

-Master Grocery List: I use the first one listed, and love the variety of options from Creatiline.com
-Blank Idea Pages:Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, these are the exact ones that I use from Homemade by Carmona!
-Weekly Menu Planner: I love, love, love this one from Happily Hope!

3. The Great Mash Up

Week 1

This video will show you how I started using a menu plan. Ursula Carmona over at http://www.homemadebycarmona.com/ does an amazing job at giving us great printables and ideas! Use different resources, check out new sites, find what works for you and blend it together! If you're interested, here is the Week 1 Menu for my house!

Week 1 Menu Plan

Alright folks, here is the Week 1 Menu.
More menus to come on #FoodDayFriday :)

Add your own spices, your own sides, make it yours! Check out my different boards for more ideas on Meals, Crock Pot Meals, and Sides!

Monday: 

• Breakfast: Pancakes- We just use the grocery store brand mix; it's quick and cheap!
• Lunch: PB&J sandwiches with a side of carrot sticks and ranch 
• Dinner: Chicken Lombardy- I found this recipe on Pinterest and we it has quickly become one of our all time faves!

Tuesday:

• Breakfast: Cereal and an orange- We let each of the kiddos pick a cereal on grocery day for the following week to share.
• Lunch: Turkey & Cheese Roll-ups- The kids love making these! Use croissants with deli sliced turkey and 1/2 of a mozzarella cheese stick, follow croissant baking directions- super easy and delicious!
• Dinner: Loaded Baked Potato Soup- We love this recipe from the Curvy Carrot! She also tells you how to cook the potato skins!

Wednesday: 

• Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, and Toast- Keep it simple sometimes!
• Lunch: Nachos- My kids love to use the Nacho Cheese Doritos as their base, and then pile high with chopped veggies, ground beef, and shredded cheese.
• Dinner: Brown Sugar and Garlic Pork Loin with Roasted Veggies- This is a new recipe we're trying out from Dinner, Then Dessert! 

Thursday: 

• Breakfast: Cereal and an orange- My kids could seriously eat a case of Cuties in a day!
• Lunch: Hawaiian Slider Sandwiches- OH MY GOSH, THESE ARE AMAZING! And, we save the extra sauce and put more on top when they're done cooking!
• Dinner: Deer Fried Steak- Wow, looking at this menu- today is going to be the best day ever! Seriously y'all, this is the best recipe for chicken fried steak (or in our case deer! yummm!) 

Friday (this is our normal planning/shopping day): 

• Breakfast: Donuts with Dad- If you can and if you have kiddos, try to do something like this with them. Ours love that special time with Daddy! 
• Lunch: Chicken & Cheese Rolls- Throw some chicken tenderloins in a medium heated skillet with 1tbsp of olive oil. Add a sprinkle of salt & pepper. Cook thoroughly. Throw cooked chicken on a tortilla with shredded cheese and roll burrito style! 
• Dinner: Hamburger Stir Fry over Rice- I eat this stuff right out of the pan y'all! If we have it, I use deer and I also double this entire recipe for our family of 5. If there is any left, I eat it the next day for lunch and it is STILL just as good!

Saturday: 

• Breakfast: Buttermilk Biscuits and Sausage Gravy- This recipe from Dessert Now Dinner Later is great! You get yummy flaky layer biscuits and homemade gravy... ya can't beat it! 
• Lunch: Make-Your-Own-Pizza- Buy your favorite bread from the bakery, or try a fresh french bread. Add some chunky spaghetti sauce and your favorite toppings. Pop in a 350 oven until cheese is melted and gooey! Guaranteed Kid Favorite!
• Dinner: Grilled Steak, Loaded Baked Taters, and Bacon Wrapped Peppers- One little splurge a week won't kill us and the hubs loves those peppers and I love me some steak! 

Sunday: 

• Breakfast: Muffins and choice of fruit- We let the kids pick their favorite muffin mix and make them during the week! They get the experience of cooking all on their own and they love sharing their finished product. (Since they are pre-made, it's also a lot faster to get out the door for church too!)
• Lunch: Hoagie Sandwiches and Chips- Grab some hoagie buns, different deli meats, some yummy sliced cheeses, lettuce, tomato, mushrooms, onions, etc. and whatever condiments your family enjoys. This is quick and easy and everyone gets to pick the way their sandwich is made! 
• Dinner: Crock Pot Roasted Lemon Pepper Chicken- Wal-Mart usually has two packs of whole chickens on sale, cook one and freeze one for later! Grab some instant rice, and you have a delicious meal! 

That's it for Week 1 folks. Like I said, the hardest part is deciding what to cook and following through with your menu plan. Once you start though, it's easy peasy! Week 2 Menu Plan coming later this week :)

Pretty Little Liars

photo from reddit.com

While I love the show, (I know, I know... "how could you?" Hush!) you'll be glad to know that this is not what this post is about! Instead, I want to talk to you about the facade of perfection that we as women, moms, daughters, aunts, etc. put out there for the world, and more importantly our families, to see.

The perfect home, the perfect husband, the perfect children; I have all of these don't you? You see my pinterest boards, you know I homeschool, you see my facebook pictures; we have the perfect fairytale life, right?

As my perfect husband would say...

"That's a big negative there, Ghost Rider!"

The truth is this, real and raw-

Kitchen Renos... ughhh

Home. We rent. It is a nice home, but it was not when we first moved in.  There were the most unpleasant little bugs, and they were bad. Like, we stayed in the hotel and we had to have the bug guy come back at least twice, bad! It was also dirty. After days of a professional home cleaner coming and scrubbing, and us painting the entire kitchen, we could finally put our dishes in the cabinets. We had to work hard to make this home what it is today. And guess what? I currently have laundry all over the couch that needs to be folded and put away, dishes that need to be done, boxes in my room that have yet to be unpacked, and my kids' rooms are far from what I pinned on their individual boards on Pinterest!

Hubs @ the THOR

Husband. While he is obviously a total hunk, we have not always had the perfect marriage. He is the love of my life, and I his; it wasn't always this way though. This year we will be married for 10 years! Go us right?! Guess what, at one point we were not sure we would make it to 5 years. There was resentment. There were lonely nights. There were hurt feelings. We were in couples counseling! We still fight. We say negative things. We are flat out mean sometimes. We go to bed mad. We still have to work everyday to get past the hurt. We still have to commit everyday to have the love and marriage that God intended for us to have. We still have to agree that divorce is not in our vocabulary, and that we will fight everyday if we have to to make sure we are still talking!

Children. I absolutely adore my children. They, along with my God and hubs, are my entire world! They have helped make me who I am today. I would do and be anything and everything for them. I had a miscarriage. I have residual feelings of that loss every year on May 26th. I had a child out of wedlock. I have two "baby-daddies". One of my kiddos has anger issues. I am nervous and excited and worried about the possibility of one of my children going to private school. I hope that we have set a strong enough foundation for our kids, and worry that we haven't yet accomplished this. I pray for my children to sleep peacefully, and they still have nightmares. I loose my cool sometimes and yell. I occasionally slip and say a few choice four-letter words, never at my kids, but in their presence. I get frustrated. I play outside sometimes, but not like Daddy. I have seriously said, "because I said so" more times than I can count. The list goes on... and on... and on!

So, my question is this...

If my life is not so perfect, and your life is probably not so perfect; why do we feel the need to promote that it is? Can we not help each other by sharing our struggles? Can we not comfort others by being honest and being able to sincerely say, "I've been there too."? Can we not rest in the fact that only He is perfect? Can we not just sit at our heavenly father's feet, where He knows how imperfect we actually are and listen?

I love the story of Mary and Martha in the book of Luke.

Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

When I read this passage, I imagine Martha rushing around the kitchen making sure there was enough food, enough drink, and a seat for everyone. Her hair's a mess, and she has flour on her face. Everything was not perfect, but Martha was going to work hard to make it so. Mary, on the other hand, just sat quietly at Jesus' feet clinging to every word he was saying. In her angst, Martha calls from the kitchen, "Uh hello, I'm trying to get everything done, can't you tell Mary to come help me?" In her rush to make everything "seem" perfect, she misses the opportunity to be blessed by Jesus' words. We see the same reactions from Martha and Mary in John 11:17-40. Verse 20 says, "Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house." Mary sat patiently waiting for Jesus to come. Martha was again running around worried.

Although Martha and Mary had the same question to Jesus, their hearts (and in turn the response they received) were different. Martha was rushing around, her heart was not prepared and she had not spent much time in God's presence. Mary sat quietly preparing her heart; focusing on God, not her grief, and Jesus was moved and responded to her differently.

More times than not, I am a Martha. I try to make everything seem perfect. I focus on the external and not the internal. I am concerned with how the world views my life and not with how God views my heart. I, like Martha, sometimes miss out on the unexpected miracles in my life because I'm constantly trying to achieve perfection.

Thankfully, we have a big God. His love and mercy are far greater than our shortcomings. It's time to be real folks; are you worried about being perfect on the outside or perfected by God on the inside?

He loves us so. Be blessed my loves.